Sentience - A Severus Snape Love Story
by ThatAuthorChick
Summary: "Snape? Severus?" cold, metallic dread filled me as I watched the light begin leave his eyes slowly, the smile on his lips as our eyes met making the dread curl even tighter until I felt my whole word begin to end. "Severus!" I pleaded, putting pressure on his wound with both my hands. "Please, I love you! Do you hear me? I love you!"
1. Chapter 1

My name is Belladonna Rose Malfoy, older sister to Draco Malfoy, and only daughter to Nacrissa and Lucius Malfoy. My god mother is Bellatrix Lestrange, she's also my aunt who adores me to no end. She despises children, even more so when they are at my 'tender' age of sixteen. I am her only exception, if only because of my 'training' in the dark arts. I was trained while my brother was not simply because my god mother had – in her own right – promised me to the Dark Lord during his rebirth. I was at her disposal, and now I was at the disposal of Voldemort.

"Mother, Father, Severus Snape has offered to take me to school during the time he is there so that we can continue my lessons without having to stop for sorting and socializing." My tone was guarded, polite, and placid. My stance was nothing short of regal – thanks to the fact that I would have to be worthy of being in the presence of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. My mother smiled sweetly at me and kissed my forehead, asking me if I wanted to go while my father urged me with his eyes to go. He wanted me to please the Dark Lord and restore my family's value to him whereas he had failed. "It is my duty to go, what pleases me and what does not is no consequence of mine." Pity filled my mother's eyes, but for all my locked away feelings I could not draw any affection for her.

"Very good, excel in your magic, dear." My father commented, parting with me and giving me an affectionate tug of my braid. He was a good father, wanting only what was good for me – even if it was in an unorthodox way. I could see the reasoning in his wanting me to be in the good graces of Voldemort, it meant that my life, and my family's, would be protected and kept in store. He was raised in the dark arts, so it was all he knew, just as it was all I knew.

"I will. Father, Mother." I gave each a small hug, knowing that it was just as awkward for me as it was for my father, and left. Affection was required when parting, as was it when greeting; or so I had been told. Severus Snape, my mentor in many things, was waiting for me at my front door. He nodded pleasantly at me when he saw that I was early to depart – which to him was on time – and escorted me to the car in which he would be taking to the train station. Teachers took a special train when the letters began going out to the first years, that way they could get everything together and have a month to get their schedule for the year and their classrooms in order. I was relieved when I saw my one suitcase and my gray tabby sleeping happily on it.

"I will get my room in order, then will await you for your training session. In my office, usual time." He instructed, knowing that I would follow through without flaw. I never had much to unpack, no tokens of affection from family, no wasted efforts and social application through various colors and extravagant things. All I had were for my studies, an extra pillow, Rowan – my cat's – food, grooming appliances, and a tooth brush. I knew enough spells to make everything else un-necessary.

"Of course," he wasn't taken aback by my casual response, nor by the lack of intensity. We had long since discussed that I was unable to feel and he was incapable of showing it. I had noticed that he glanced at me far more than usual by his peripheral. Maybe my parents had told him that they had been planning on putting me with him as a bride instead of being with Voldemort as a pet. I wasn't going to ask, there was no need to. If he felt I needed to know he would bring it up, otherwise I had no right to know.

"When you are in the Dark Lord's presence, what are you to do?" A test, already. It was for that reason that I knew I was to be given to the dark lord soon. He had been resurrected a few months ago, but as I recall he had to gather his strength. My Aunt had returned to his side and visited us, me, frequently. She was pleased with my advancement in magic and my looks. She wanted me perfect for Voldemort.

"I am to kneel on the ground, kiss his robes, proclaim myself and my title, then offer myself as retribution to my family." He nodded, accepting my answer. His shoulders were tense, but not the usual way. The muscle in his jaw was clenching, but not in the way that meant he was thinking. He was agitated, but my answer had been right. "He should not deny me, but should the possibility happen then I am to offer my life as amusement to him for failing to meet his interest." His muscle twitched once more.

"If you are accepted?" his tone was curt, as if that outcome wasn't an option. He was acting unusual, then again I must have been too.

"If I am accepted I am to kiss his robes once more, stand and rest at his side or in a specific location should he tell me so. Anything he asks of me I am to follow through with to the upmost of my abilities. Should I displease him I will take my punishment without complaint, then thank him afterwards." He nodded once more, a taut sigh escaping his lips.

"No more, lessons are only to resume once we return to Hogwarts." I nodded, accepting that – for some inane reason – he did not want to talk about it any further. I was not all that obliged to like the topic of our conversation either, but then again I never gave my own feeling – if I had any – any thought. I was taught to suppress any emotional responses I had at a young age, it just stuck throughout the rest of my life.

"What does joy feel like?" I hadn't meant to ask it, but I was genuinely curious. While he said he hadn't been able to express feelings he must have felt them. Even when he was younger, before he was a Death Eater. My question must have cut him off guard, if only because of the extra blink of his eye as he drove into the train station parking lot. His response came after a long silence, though by the time he had answered we were already moving into the ticket booth with our luggage behind us.

"I remember only a bit of it from when I was a boy. There's different kinds, warm and peaceful, or casual and exhilarating." He explained with an impassive face, then ordered two tickets from the witch. I blinked and tried to envision it, only to fail. He turned to me when we entered the platforms and had his brows furrowed. "Have you not felt it? Not even once?" we never had a discussion of personal interests, probably because I had none and he didn't express his.

"No, the last emotion I remember feeling was anger. I was two when I felt it, and it was powerful. That same day my parents told me to suppress my emotions, my god mother told me that they were useless things that would get me killed. Whenever I expressed an emotion she would use the cruciatus curse on me until I learned my lesson, or until I stopped screaming." I felt nothing even as I said it, pain was a feeling I knew well enough to block it out. His eyes were disbelieving, if a bit angered, as I said this. To disprove any thoughts of me lying I met his gaze and let him use occulmency on me. The memory had no feeling for me, the sting was little more than a gust of wind. He was staring at me as if I was completely insane.

"You have no ability to feel at all?" I shook my head, stepping past the portal as the clock chimed ten after eight, and met him at the luggage port. "Is it an inability, or do you subconsciously suppress it the moment you begin to feel it?" a good question, a question I wanted to answer long ago. Then I discovered the answer in a way that had led me to believe I was mistaken.

"I have the inability to feel. The first time I felt anything was just a small quiver than trailed down my spine." He prompted me to explain as we took our seats across from one another. This train ride was going to be a bit longer, a couple of hours; thankfully our compartment was empty. The rest of the teachers were at the front of the train. "During my first year I caught your gaze. I had already known you by my parents' description, but seeing you made me shake." He, again, prompted me to explain in minute detail everything I felt. "It was a small clenching of my muscles in my back. I felt heat trickle there, then felt my toes clench." I shrugged once more and met his inquiring gaze. "I asked my mother, she told me it was anticipation." He nodded absentmindedly, briefly checking the scenery outside the window before closing the blind.

"Understandable, since it is I who is now your mentor. A pivotal role in your life," his tone was less than pleased, as if he was trying to tell me to be quiet. I did so willingly. "You may spend this train ride by either studying or sleeping." There was only one right answer. I pretended to not see his grin when I picked up my newest Dark Arts Book. It was for the witches and Wizards hoping to excel in the process of defensive and offensive Dark Arts. My mother was over joyed when I requested it, my father expected it and bought me the next edition as a birthday present. It was the first, and the last, present I would get from him for my birthday.

By The time we got to the outpost outside of Hogwarts I had gotten halfway through my book and knew ten new offensive spells and eleven defensive spells. The Professors greeted me and went on their way, each one inspecting the proximity of myself and Snape. They did so each time I appeared with him on the Professor's train – something I had been doing since my first year at Hogwarts, I was now in my sixth. When they were satisfied by the professional appearance the two of us had they left.

We didn't say anything as we parted ways, I was going to the Slytherin Dorm and into my room which I was going to be sharing with a first year and two other fourth years. Since I was able to use magic in school I practiced a few spells that helped me unpack and jinx my stuff so that only I could touch it. Rowan jumped on my bed the moment I put a scent smell on it to make it smell like lavender and vanilla and curled up, purring contentedly. I gave her a small head rub and began down the stairs once more, putting my wand in my boot so that it wouldn't get damaged, and headed straight towards Snape's office. He was just unlocking the door as I arrived, though he made no notion of bringing up that I was indeed early, probably aggravatingly so.

"We will start with you attacking first, then we will switch. Once I'm finished with that then we shall go to jinxes and hexes, then curses and counter curses." The difference with offensive and defensive spells, and curses and counter curses, is that curses are meant to linger in the victim, whether it's poisoning or an overload of blemishes. Attacks are meant to do the damage then, be quick and un perturbed. Counter curses usually send them right back, while defensive spells block or completely annihilate the attack spell coming at the victim. Jinxed and hexes are objectionable spells. You could only jinx or hex an inanimate object. Many witches and wizards fused jinxes and hexes with curses, I was supposed to know the difference.

We began with simple curses, then he demanded that I show him something worth his time, something that would please the Dark Lord. I showed him the advanced attacks I knew, attacks that my own father had problems with. He blocked them easily, then began on his attack. His spells were full force, as mine had been, and were a bit tricky to keep from getting to me. My calm helped me to specify the correct response to each attack. Each attack has a single defense that obliterates the intensity and presence of the spell, many other defenses can weaken it or make the on-coming spell something else entirely. He wanted perfect from me, they all wanted perfect from me, so perfect was what I was going to give them.

"I am both disappointed and pleased. You've progressed a great deal, yet it is still not enough." He was right, of course. I needed to be more powerful than the most powerful witch in the Dark Lords arsenal. That meant I had to be only a notch below him, so that I could keep up with him but not be a liability. I would study more, sleep less. Then I could be at the ledge I needed to be on to be acceptable. He sent a curse at me, thinking I had trailed off with my thoughts. I countered it with a smaller curse that changed his pain curse into a gust of wind.

"I am simply thinking through a way of more studying to be placed within my schedule, I am not wool gathering." I informed him, explaining that I was not ignoring his lesson. He rolled his wrist, compelling me to continue. "I have concluded that I will need to sleep less so that I may study more and reach the potential that I am expected." He inquired as to how much sleep I was getting as is. "Six hours, enough to continue to comprehend and learn. I will be able to do the same with four hours of sleep." He looked agitated again.

"You are not getting the sleep you need, nor will you be should you decide the new study plan." He looked at me through narrowed eyes, my own stance as impassive as ever. "You study during meal times, eating only enough to keep you alive, and during free periods which you practice your magic in the court yard. During our Occulumency training every other day you get only a meager amount of sleep. Yet you still manage to best even Granger in most of your classes." It was mandatory that he check in on my progress through each of my classes, just to see if I was adequate in each subject.

"I will sleep when it is needed, but as you have said I am not yet at the point of which I need to be. A risk of displeasing his Lordship is not a probability. When I do something I am to do it to the best of my ability, if I am lacking then I have failed and shall fix the error." We began once again, small comments on my form being made and a reprimand for getting a counter jinx wrong and making the chair turn into a rat.

"Your lesson is over for now, I will call upon you when I decide it shall start again." He didn't ask where I would be, because he knew. I always tried to study in the courtyard, especially when it was empty. Considering it was going to be empty for a month I was definitely going to be there a while. He turned his back on me, prompting me into leaving the room and Accio-ing my books to me. By the time the light had dimmed and I could barely read I had gotten through three of my books and was on my fourth one, the last. "Did you know, Headmaster, that they say when a man is un-afraid of death he has nothing to live for?" I asked as I heard footsteps on the grass behind me. The age old magic of Dumbledore's made the air crackle with life, showing me that it was he who approached. He chuckled and sat beside me.

"Yes, I believe it is a terrible misquote." I nodded, conceiting on that part. Something about the quote confused me, he sensed it and answered my unspoken question. "It means that if you can face death and not feel fear, not feel regret and longing, then you have not lived your life as you should have." That made sense, though I would never feel those when confronting death. I would die if I displeased He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named yet I had no misgivings about it. I would take whatever punishment, even if the cost was my life. There was nothing more I could do, nothing I wanted to do, simply because I was raised for that very purpose. "Yes, with your handicap I believe I can understand the confusion." He commented quietly, gazing at the stars that began to peak out from the clouds. "Have you ever wished to feel anything? Have you never felt the sunshine on you and wished you could feel the peace and serenity that comes with it?" he asked me seriously, as if finally being able to word what he had been thinking since he first found out about my inability to feel.

"No, I have only done as requested and needed of me. Feeling was the one thing I was, am, not permitted to do. My purpose has been planned, nothing else matters except for that." He was saddened by my answer. He knew of my plan, he had found out through my brother as he bragged about it in the halls when he first arrived here. A strong scolding from my father proved to shut him up about it, and now not a word has been uttered against me. "You are a good man, Brian Dumbledore." He was shocked at hearing his first name, that much was obvious, but he was also pleased. "But you cannot save everyone." He was quiet for a while, assessing me with his eyes as if he found someone wearing my skin and speaking with my voice. When he was satisfied that it was me he turned his attention back to the stars.

"I may not be able to do anything about your predicament, but I may be able to suggest a way of making it so that you are not as broken." Now it was my turn to look at him as if he were someone else wearing Dumbledore's skin. He smiled at my look and laughed. "Find someone, something, to love. It is a powerful thing, love. It can heal the worst wounds, counter a curse that has never been countered before. It may even make you realize that there are things that you want in life." I didn't have to tell him that I haven't the faintest idea how to love, or to adore. I couldn't explain to him that the most affectionate I've ever come to being with anyone was me being on a mutual ground of understanding with my father and his decisions in life.

"Perhaps." He chuckled once more and parted, leaving me to pick my books up and return to my room. Snape had not called upon me, so I assumed – correctly so – that our lessons were done for the day. I practiced in my room, studied and crammed, until I nearly fell down in my bed of exhaustion. By the time I changed into my night gown and crawled under my covers I was reciting parts of the book in my brain, burning the spells into eyelids so that I wouldn't forget with the sleep that was fast approaching. I only let go of consciousness when Rowan curled up beside me, cradling against my breasts and stomach, purring happily and soon falling asleep with me.


	2. Chapter 2

Occulumency, the spell that will allow the caster to see the castee's memories and be in them as if they were there when they happened. It took a lot out of the victim because of the immediate draw back into their mind, concentration making their bodies clench and their mind work twice as fast to become blank. It was a complete invasion of privacy, and that was exactly why the Dark Lord loved it so much. It was why I was working with Snape to subtly change the course of his viewing so that he didn't know if I was changing it or if it was a different flow of memories. So far I was doing superbly. He couldn't tell when I was changing and when I was true.

"You are doing far better than last time. You will be able to fool even the Dark Lord when it comes to mind seeing." That meant I was almost his equal, if only in one place. There were places in my mind that would displease his Lordship, moments such as these where his most faithful Death Eater talk of how his soon-to-be pet would fool him should be kept away from him, if only for the fact that it would result in my complete existence becoming nothing more than trash to him.

"I studied last night so that I could do so." He nodded his head in approval, wiping at his sweaty forehead then offering me a handkerchief. "When am I to be in his presence, I am aware that it is supposed to be soon?" He stopped in his tracks and stiffened, expecting the question but not at this direct moment.

"During the Winter, when the snow begins to stick. I am to take you to him and have you stay there, a transfer sheet will be filled out with all your information, telling the Headmaster and the rest of the Professors that you are being transferred to be home schooled." I had not realized it was so soon, I would need to study a bit harder. My trailing thoughts did not change the tone he had said the confirmation in.

"You are displeased with the fact?" he turned on me, his hands clenched in fists and his eyes narrowed to slits of anger. I did not jump or move away, it was a justifiable question after all.

"Yes, I am displeased with the fact. You are a young woman, you should want things, do things, _feel _things. You are not a robot, damn you. Be as incredulous as normal teenage girls are, giggle about boys and _live!_" he said it all with disgust, though I felt as if it was aimed more at me. His rage at my uncaring was strange, though I found it quite settling.

"You are correct when you say that I am not a robot, yet I am living each day. I do want things, I want to fulfil my purpose, I do study and practice. I do not giggle, nor do I have any friends to do so with because He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named will kill them eventually or I will no longer see them once I am transferred." I think that, because I had a point, I had angered him further. He slammed his fists down on the table and stared me down. I did not recognize the glint in his eyes, nor did I recognize the reasoning behind him pursing his lips into a thin line.

"Are you aware that part of your 'purpose'," he spat the word, "is to join the Dark Lord in his bed, as his mistress, for whenever he chooses to have you?" I hadn't, and that bit made studying so much more apparent. I knew nothing of the 'sins of the flesh'. I knew I must remain pure and untainted, or so my mother had said, until I met the man that I would truly desire. Aunt Bellatrix had told me to make sure that I at least knew what I was doing so that I didn't cry when a man had me for the first time. She must have hoped that I would share a bed with the Dark Lord, how proud she would be at hearing this. "I see you did not, how do you plan on going about that? Are you okay with giving your body to him?"

"I have no objection to it, it's part of my purpose-" he cut me off with a slam of the door behind him, his behavior both stopping my speech and halting me from moving forward. He was either retrieving something or breaking many things in his office, when he came back in carrying a small parcel I knew it was what he had been searching for.

"Human beings do not have a _purpose_ other than to live life. You are still a girl, turning into a woman, yet you are as mature and unfeeling as an old woman who is nearing the end of her days." He placed the parcel in front of me, a small rune glinting in the candle light. "Your mother sent these in today, these are the wedding rings she proposes we use in a wedding should one take place. Are you alright with that, with being married to me? Your mentor, your Professor?" I gingerly took the rings in my hand and studied them. They were of brilliant cut, and already sized to our hands.

"I will tell you as I told my mother, I am open to the idea. You are my mentor and my Professor, yet you understand me well. What is the matter, you have not been acting like your usual self as of lately?" he grit his teeth together and turned his face away, but not before I saw the shock that made his onyx eyes seem like a dark brown.

"I am myself, nothing has changed within me, but it has within you." He told me in a clipped voice, his head still turned away. Nothing had changed within myself, nothing I could think of anyhow. His sentence confused me, but he would not let me ask what he had meant. "The lesson is over, leave." He said as an answer.

"Very well, may I keep your ring?" he turned to me slowly, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. My hand was in between us, a proximity that I had not even been aware of. He slowly nodded and took mine while I placed his around my necklace, letting it drop next to the small crescent moon and encircle it. The gold and silver hiding underneath my blouse and resting just in between my cleavage.

"Do you want it?" he asked slowly, "Or do you feel obligated to take it?" there was only one right answer. One that I knew would end up being a lie. I had felt a bit obligated to take it, simply because my mother had already sent the engagement rings and for the fact that I had made him angry. I was not supposed to make Snape angry, I was not supposed to ruin his mood. Yet I had, and frequently. So I lied.

"I want it." He believed me, if only for a moment. He was still very suspicious, and yet he let me keep it and let me out with a small nod of his head. I had plenty of time to do as I pleased wherever I pleased, or I would have, had Headmaster Dumbledore not called on me to join him for a stroll by the lake. We said nothing for a while, just stared at the rippling water as a breeze passed by.

"Have you given any thought to what I had told you little under a month ago?" the month that I had been here was over, tomorrow the students would be coming back. I still had a full day and night to do with as I needed, yet Dumbledore wanted to speak to me. I was in no position to deny him any more than I was to deny Voldemort.

"I haven't the ability to love, it is because of that inability that I will not be loved in return." I said with a shrug, knowing that he wouldn't understand. He sighed and shook his head, going to leave. A quote stuck out in my mind, a quote that adequately explained what I was saying and what he was feeling. " 'But in these cases we still have judgment here; that we but teach bloody instruction, which, being taught, return to plague th' inventor:.' " he turned to me slowly, his brows furrowed.

"Shakespeare?" I nodded and he smiled, "And do you?" he questioned, "Do you think your parents, your instructors, are plagued with the fact that they are setting you up to be a pawn?" It would explain why Snape was so discontent with myself and my predicament. His earlier statement rang in my mind, I had to ask it to know if my appearance or outward visual was changed.

"Sir, have I changed in the least? Inside?" he stared at me, his eyes calculating and assessing. He moved around me in a circle and stepped away, his eyes darker with worry and his brow furrowed with agitation. He shook his head and told me that I had not changed, that I had become more unfeeling, a feat he thought impossible. "Very well, I believe I have studying to do whereas you have planning." He nodded and left, his thoughts bothering him. Studying was easy as usual, practicing was a bit more problematic. I was having trouble with a memory fragmenting spell, one that I knew Snape had mastered. I would ask him in the morning, no need to wake him up in the early morning when he would be needing his sleep for the taxing day ahead. I continued to practice until I fragmented my memory by changing the colors of my tapestry that hung around my bed. Black, black satin with green embroidery. I had switched the colors around. It was not a big accomplishment, but it was the best that I could do with what I had. With the notion of asking Professor Snape – as I would have to call him now that school was started – in the morning I fell asleep.

Breakfast was, by no means, ordinary. Each student was talking loud so that they were heard over the other friends talking. Gryffindor was the loudest of the lot, the quietest had to be us Slytherins. Professor Snape made sure that we were well behaved during our meal times and presented Slytherin house well. We would have time to talk in the common room and during our free time. We were not, by any means, to look a sight short of perfect decorum. I was a bit excluded from everyone else, since I was the only one studying at the table. I always was, it kept people from trying to talk to me, not that they had ever tried. My brother kept the attention of Slytherin house, it was no secret that my brother and I were Professor Snape's 'favorite's'.

"Belladonna," I slowly looked up from my book, confused as to why someone would be calling my name when I am normally left alone. I turned around in my seat and was met with the sight of Hermione Granger, a muggle born. She was very intelligent, and just as powerful as any full blooded I knew, yet she was still sneered at and made faces at by our table. It took a lot of courage for her to approach this table and call to me. "Would you mind helping me with a problem I am having at ciphering?" Most of our table was staring, for the reasons that I never helped anyone in my own house and that she was actually talking to me. I found no logical problem with it, so I nodded. My table hissed at me.

"I am none of your concern, I am going to get a level understanding of her intellect. 'Thy enemy of mine enemy is my friend.' " I quoted, speaking calmly but loud enough for those around me to clearly hear. "You are not my friends, therefore you are my enemies, she is your enemy, therefore she will be an acquaintance." I did not mind that she was beside me, listening to my words as if they didn't bother her. Truth was it probably didn't, I was neither insulting her nor calling her inferior. I was saying that to my own house, which seemed to please her a bit.

"I am sorry for asking, you are the only one I know who can correctly cipher it." I nodded, accepting her apology while we made our way to the Gryffindor table, the likes of which silenced as I approached. They knew I was a Slytherin, they knew I was powerful, and they knew that I was an upper classmen. Judging by their sneers they knew I was a Malfoy as well. When we stopped beside Harry Potter and a ginger that had to be a Weasley she handed me a paper written in Latin. "I am able to read it, but I cannot cipher it." I nodded, showing her that I could read it and cipher it.

"Would you like a translation of the cipher or would you prefer it if I wrote it down?" she asked for me to read it aloud, for their group to hear. To do so I had to sit beside her and let them lean in as I began. "When the souls joined by a common indifference are one death and magic shall never again touch them, for their joining is of the most powerful magic." When they still looked confused I made it simple. "When two soul mates meet and proclaim their love for one another – become one – they will experience a surge of magic more powerful than any known, then neither will be able to use magic again." Hermione was still confused, but for a different reason.

"Do you have any idea why a proclamation such as this would be used as a book mark for the original copy of Merlin's Misadventures?" I did not know why precisely, though a few scenarios came to mind. None of them possible. She thanked me and told me that was all she had needed. The woman in Pink, Dolores Umbrige, called to me as I made my way back to my house table.

"Why were you at the Gryffindor table when you are clearly a Slytherin?" her voice was high pitched, her pink attire was blinding me, and the madness behind her eyes made them sharp as knives. She was a pea body on a power trip.

"Conversing with other houses, no matter how turbulent the tension is, is not frowned upon. It has been welcomed and enforced to try and have civility between the houses. Inter mingling as I had just done for a mere task caused no trouble for either side." She was perplexed that I had outwitted her, perplexed and very, very angry.

"Cheek will not be accepted girl," she said it in a sickly calm voice, trying to deter me. The other teachers around her shook their heads, knowing that her bait would not be taken.

"Ms. Umbridge, I am unable to feel the need to make cheek, nor can I for it is not in my purpose of living. Furthermore you should not misunderstand my intellect as cheek. I have no reason, as I have said previous, to dissuade your purpose of being here as long as it does not alter mine." She was pale white when I finished, the other Professors confirmed my words as truth. "If I am finished being wrongly scolded may I ask for leave to attend my table once more?" she mutely nodded and dismissed me. Professor Snape was smirking as I passed by his position at the Professor's Table. For some reason I knew that Professor Umbridge was going to try and alter my purpose. The glare she tried to subtly send my way before making a speech confirmed my thoughts.

"You may now leave with your schedules, have a good night's rest and attend your classes on time!" The Prefects took us to our common room, the upper classmen being allowed to go to their rooms while rules were explained to the first years. The fourth years I was to room with were the two most idiotic beings in Slytherin house. They sneered at me, looking me over and disproving of my looks. I was not ostentatious unlike them, I dressed conservatively, as I had been taught too, so that the enemy, them, were unable to get a good reading on my abilities. Compared to their straightened hair, glossed lips, and tight blouses I was nothing short of meager. My bleach white hair was in a braid over my left shoulder, the end of it just reaching my rib cage, cream colored lips and the genetic pale skin. My eyes were the only thing _not_ from the Malfoy side. I had my aunts ice black eyes. I had my clothes fit so that they actually _fit._ I showed as little skin as possible, and did not have an air of 'superiority' about me. Though I was, in fact, superior to them in many ways.

"Don't touch our stuff, don't talk to us, and don't make yourself visible when we're around." They informed me, as if I was actually going to listen. How surprised they would be when I ended up leaving in Winter, probably would think that it was because of their treatment of myself and gloat that they had made me leave. I nodded just to amuse them and began reading once more in the center of my bed, ignoring their name calling murmurs. When the first year came in they groaned and recited their words, the first year actually became scared.

"Excel in your learning and you will surpass their existence." I told her, earning a smile. The two fourth years scoffed and left the room, giving it to myself and the first year. She took the opportunity to unpack, and began to try and jinx her stuff. When she became un-successful I stood up. "You are making wand movements wrong." I informed her, showing her the movement with my own wrist. It was the duty of an upperclassmen to be kind to the first years, to teach them and help them get along with their new lives at Hogwarts. When she successfully made the jinx she laughed and did so again with the rest of her things. I sat back upon my bed and began reading once more.

"Thank you," she trailed off, looking at my name that was on my suitcase at the end of my bed. "Belladonna." She grinned and sat on her own bed. "That's a very pretty name." Her name, judging by my eyesight and the distance of her suitcase, was Evangeline. Her name was rather foreign and extraordinary too. I commented as such and watched as she flushed form her neck up. "Eva, you can call me Eva." Eva it was, now I was obligated to give her a shorter version of my name with which she could call me by.

"You may call me Bell." She nodded and accepted the small name, though I doubted I would ever answer to it as everyone who knew me called me Belladonna. It stayed silent as I continued to study, making motions with my wrist without my wand as if I was preforming the spell. Incantations I was good at, they were mostly for healing and growing things, it was still good to know the knowledge. The fourth year girls entered once more, giggling to one another and talking in hushed voices. Their words were not lost on me, however. They spoke of how they were glad that they were friends, and that they could be in the same housing together. They gave one look to Eva and giggled again, making the girl in question flush darker and hide behind her journal. I ignored the snickers that they sent to me and finished the book my father had given me for my birthday, already past all Dark Art lessons that they could teach us here. I just had to keep practicing and make myself worthy to the Dark Lord.


	3. Chapter 3

_**This chapter is dedicated because, well, we ALL hated Umbridge more than we hated Voldemort.**_

_**I thank you all for you reads and follows, as well as the review I received. I very much appreciate knowing just how I'm doing with this story. It pleases me that you'll like it too.**_

**~ FindingTheLost**

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**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Harry Potter nor the Harry Potter World, they belong to J.K Rowling. There are, however, some places mentioned that I have made up that do belong to me, as well as the plot and the character Belladonna._

**General Inquiry: **_What are you're honest thoughts about it so far? Does she seem TOO emotionally distant, or does she seem as if she fits the bill as someone who can handle Severus's attitude, as well as his heart?_

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"Spells? My, my." Umbridge commented, letting that age old feeling of anger, the white hot, skin tingling sensation that I remember so acutely, build inside my chest. "Why would you use spells? There is no need to learn Defense Agents the Dark Arts when there is no danger of the Dark Arts being used against you!" she tried to say. Harry stood against her, and only when she said that we would be learning the basics and told Harry to see her after class did I let my anger overwhelm me. A punishment would be welcome as long as I could release the anger inside me now.

"Your intellect in the matter is no longer welcome, no matter what you say we, I, shall learn to defend myself against black magic." I did not say that I would be learning how to cast it either, if only so that my true purpose did not become discovered. "Whether or not Voldemort is back does not mean Black magic will not be used against us!" everyone stared at me in shock. They knew that I had a devotion to D.A.D.A, but not that I would consider it such a thing to actually get angry over. "Bring forth the right books for this class or I shall!" she stared at me in shock, her face pale white.

"You have no right speaking to me in such a way!" I stood up and made my way to the cabinets where the real Defense Against the Dark Arts books where. The spell lock and the actual lock she had on the cabinets were easily blown off and away the moment I cast a spell disarming them. She went to stop me and, in my anger, I pointed my wand at her throat.

"I told you that I have no quarrel with you as long as your purpose does not prevent mine." She stilled in her steps once she realized my wand was pointed at her heart. "Your purpose is preventing mine." She drew her wand and swiped mine away, hoping to change my actions. It only made them stronger. The students were now backing away from us, a few had run out of the classroom to tell others. Anger, I had not felt it in a long, long while. The urgent feeling that I had was strong, it was all my years pressed and keeping anger that I had not known I'd been building. Magic pooled at my fingertips, my toes curled and my vision darkened. Reason invaded my anger, it's very small, very hard to hear voice made me lower my wand slightly. Umbridge took that as incentive and cast a spell towards me.

"Stupendo!" I countered, canceling out her spell completely. "We will never need to learn defensive spells, right Professor Umbridge?!" I shouted at her over the ringing of my own ears. My blood was rushing through my veins, the rushing and pounding confusing my hearing until all I could hear was that incisive ringing. "No one will ever attack a student, _correct, Professor Umbridge_?!" she cast another spell at me and tripped, landing on her bum while I countered the entire spell. "It is you who will suffer should you not teach us the corre-!" the rest of my sentence was cut off the moment the door slammed open. In came Professor Snape, his gaze fixed on my white knuckles and shivering form, my anger apparent and the cowering Dolores Umbridge on the ground before me. What a sight it must have been.

"Belladonna Rose Malfoy!" he snapped at me, "You lower your wand this instant!" I blinked hard but could not dissuade my anger, not until he stepped in front of my wand and met his glare with one of my own. I could see the shock behind his anger, though I did not blame him. I was showing an emotion that I had said, and thought, that I was incapable of feeling. I lowered my wand and closed my eyes, making myself not feel, though the traces of anger continued to make my heartbeat rush through body. When I opened them again I was facing Professor Snape, the complete opposite of his raging fury. "I will be escorting her out of this classroom and making sure that she pays for her disturbance!" he grabbed hold of my wrist, tightly, giving me only seconds to place my wand back in my boot. He turned to her just as we approached the door. "Given that the students, numerous ones, have said that you attacked while she was lowering her wand, I suggest not a complaint from you, otherwise your teaching license will be revoked and you will be judged by the court of which you serve so devoutly!" He then shoved me out of the classroom and escorted me to his classroom, which was free due to it being his potion checking time.

He was quiet for several minutes, pacing in front of me in a fury. He would stop every so often and look at me, staring, then would continue about his pacing and muttering to himself. He had stopped in mid step and froze, his back to me to where I could not read his facial expression. Then he turned to me and examined the wrist he had grabbed. A bruise was already forming, thought the action was a gust of wind on a normal day to the F-4 tornadoes that I am used to getting when being punished. His expression was steely, his eyes guarded and his lips pressed into a thin line. The only thing I had to judge his mood on was the way his finger lightly brushed over the bruise forming on my wrist, then the urgency in his step as he glided to his potions cupboard, looking for a poultice that would reverse the bruising process.

"You told me that your earliest feeling, the one you remember, was anger, correct?" he asked me in a low voice as he poured the potion he chose over my bruise, the purple washed away and onto the handkerchief he placed underneath my arm. I nodded a confirmation to him, curious as to why he had chosen that question when he had a plethora of others he could have chosen from. "It is because of the fact that you remember that emotion that you were able to act upon it, through the compression of such an emotion is the reason that you were taken over by it." He sat at his desk and regarded me with a look I could not fathom to understand. "You are not incapable of feeling, you've just never _felt _before."

"That would explain a few things, such as her curiosity and insistency upon achieving her purpose." Dumbledore exclaimed as he strode into the room. I suppose that it had made a bit of sense. One should experience the emotion to understand it, seeing as how I do not understand the feelings of joy and or peace it must be that I have yet to feel them. They saw the acceptance in my relaxing pose and continued, as if I hadn't just been pulled from a duel with my teacher and a Ministry of Magic Official, and held my ground. "I came across the conclusion when I went over her memories each one devoid of anything but pain, forced calm, and anger. She has felt those before, and executes her forced calm perfectly, her anger is always hidden, and she has such a high tolerance for pain that I do not think a Cruciatus curse would work on her as a torture, or punishment," he added, seeing my lips part for defense, "tactic." Dumbledore met my gaze and held it, his occulmency skills powerful but not as powerful as Snape's. He chuckled, as if hearing my thoughts at that very moment, then continued to go through my memories.

"She thinks very highly of you, Severus." There was something in his tone that made Snape uncomfortable, I could feel his shift in moods in the air. "She is very attuned to you as well," I had no idea as to why he was telling Snape – Professor Snape – this, considering he should already know. "Interesting," he murmured after going through the memory of the first time I caught Professor Snape's eyes. "Only when you met him, correct?" I nodded once he was out of my mind and pacing in front of me. "Severus, I persuade that you and I talk in the solitude of my office later. In the meantime I will be leaving this predicament to you." I did not understand what 'predicament' he was leaving to him. Surely my lack of feeling wasn't a 'predicament'.

"You think highly of me do you?" he asked snidely as Dumbledore left. He tried to keep his gaze from me, though I could see his eyes go to me while he was turned, though he would look away once I met his gaze. At my nod he sighed and held his hand out, pointing his finger at my necklace. I hesitantly handed it to him, watching him closely as he took the ring off and motioned for me to bring my hand forth. I did so, still confused. When he placed the ring on my middle finger and scooted it down to my knuckle I was no longer confused. He was telling me to wear his ring and show it, not hide it. He felt as if I had cuckolded him by hiding it.

"You think highly of me," I commented, seeing the candle light glint off of my ring on his pinky finger. Our rings were similar, gold bands with a single onyx stone surrounded by ivory white patterns and held in a web like pattern of stainless steel, making the stone look as if it had snow around it. They were definitely pricy, my mother only took what was of high worth when it came to jewelry. 'It is the best kind,' she assured me when I asked, 'It does not break easily, and you can always find the best stones with a lot of money'. His snort brought me out of my thoughts, his back was to me once again.

"I think of you as a responsibility." It made sense, I was, in every way, his charge. He was responsible for my learning, my life, and, should we marry, my ability to perform as a wife. I was not a burden as far as he said, but I was not a blessing either. His actions and tone were far off of his words, his body betraying what his mind was making him say.

"With bleeding and torn hearts we smile," I murmured, catching his attention and making him freeze with his back to me. He turned slowly, his eyes daring me to continue. "We wear the mask that grins and lies," his Death Eater mask, my mask of apathy. "It hides our teeth and shades our eyes," it allowed him to go un-known, it let him lie and still be truthful. Mine gave me the knowledge to tell the difference between a lie and a subtle exchange of untruths. "With torn and bleeding hearts we smile," He was broken, something had happened to where he did not express what he felt. I could not, I did not know how, yet we both remained as a figure with a singular emotion that over ruled every other one to our community. He was known as the angry Slytherin Head of House, I was known as the calm Slytherin that kept quiet and studied. Probably not now, but I had been. "Repaying our debt to human guile," we were plagued with a singular thought that made us calculate each move. "Suffering over the myriad subtleties."

"An unusual, if not profound, sentiment." He was used to my quoting now, even more so the fact that I knew all the quotes that correctly described the 'sentiment' in which I thought matched the situation. I had yet to have an incorrect moment. We sat in silence for a moment longer than what he seemed to like before he spoke up once more, fixing me with a stare that made me rethink his apparent forgiving. "Leave, report here early tomorrow morning, before breakfast," he needed to speak with Headmaster Dumbledore, while I needed to study. Defense Against the Dark Arts was my last class for the day. I wasn't going to go to dinner, I wasn't hungry and the stares I would get were not worth it. They would keep me from being completely engrossed with my studies.

I was doing well, transfiguration would have been complete, had it not been for the intrusion of the fourth year girls that shared the room. They stopped in their tracks when they saw that I was on my bed, book in hand. When I met their gazes they snickered and began whispering amongst themselves. Once they concluded their loud discussion of how to act they turned on me once more, blocking either side of my bed.

"You're so tough, huh?" one mocked, smirking and placing her hands on her hips.

"More like she's psycho," the other responded, her stance mimicking her friends.

"What are you gonna do to us if we anger you, hmm? I heard that you pointed your wand at a teacher and dueled her! You tough enough to point it at me?" I ignored their goading until the first year, Eva, came in and told them to shut up. When they turned on her I got a good look at their trunks and saw their names.

"Vanessa Lincoln and Lynette Hughes," they stopped, my tone must have scared them all because Eva even froze up a bit. "Daughter to Michael Lincoln, Enforcer to the Daily Profit, husband to Jamie Lincoln. You have an older brother who words as a judiciary at the Ministry of Magic." She turned pale white, "Lynette Hughes, daughter to Victor Hughes, the Ministers personal errand boy, snitch, husband to Cecelia Hughes. You're an only child, but your mother is un-aware of the Death Eater boy that you've been seeing during holidays." Now she was white as a sheet. "How would it be if your fathers, and brother, lost their jobs and were black listed? If the ones that were snitched on and sent to Azkaban ever found out who had turned on them," I met both of their eyes. "If they found out their darling daughter was less than the angel she was at home. I'm sure it would break your poor squib mothers' heart."

"H-how? A-are you stalking us?!" Vanessa tried to speak, though her voice caught in her throat a few times.

"You are forgetting that I _am _a Malfoy." She made a comment about my father being a Death Eater and that I would soon follow in his footsteps. "The ministry knows that my father is an Ex-Death Eater, should I follow in his place and become one myself I will be announced as one to the Ministry as well." They paled further. "Harass myself or Evangeline once more and I will personally make sure that your family is without income and that you are seen as potential threats to the safety of the Ministry's secrets." They were trembling now. "My father is an Ex-Death Eater, but he still has wealth and an outstanding position within the Ministry. Let's see who is more, 'tough', as you put it." I picked up my book and sent Evangeline, Eva, a nod then continued on my way down to the Common Room. She followed behind readily. Something must have clicked within her brain, for I was now her favorite, and only, person she was around. We studied together, I helped whenever she requested it, and even asked if I could teach her to read Latin. Teaching helped me to understand it better myself, and soon I was fluent and smarter than I had been before, still with the same time of studying and sleeping. When we finished we went back upstairs and went to bed.

"You are to train to become an Animungus." Snape said with disdain, his voice nothing but taut and anger. It seemed he and I both had dark circles under our eyes from the lack of necessity of sleep.

"My father made me learn how to transform into an Animungus when I was young so that I could go with him to the Ministry and find out what they were saying about him while he was away." He was shocked, though I suppose only I could see it because of the shift in his jaw. He motioned for me to transform into my Animungus, he wanted a showing, not a description. I handed him my wand, took my boots off, and my cloak. His eyes slowly widened as each clothing item came off until I was, at last, down to my undershirt and underwear. I only saw his white knuckled grip on a chair as I cradled in on myself, calling my Animungus forth. When I felt her near I extended my arms, a gust of wind and heat pushing against Professor Snape, The skin burned off my body as it shrunk, then, after the transformation that used to have me screaming and weak, I stood on the ground, on two feet, looking up at Professor Snape with my enhanced vision.

"A phoenix?" he asked in a slight murmur, I nodded with my small head and flew up to his arm just as I would had I been walking towards him. There was a chuckle, then Dumbledore's magic called to me and alerted me that he was the one who entered. His stronger magic called to me but I did not leave Severus's arm.

"Are you aware, Ms. Malfoy, that the fact you turned into a Phoenix at such a young age says a lot about your magic abilities and your character?" my father had just told me that it meant I was destined for great and powerful things. I shook my head as his answer, suddenly aware that Snape was rubbing the ending feathers on my wings, his eyes far off as if he was doing it absentmindedly. "It means that you are powerful, and that, in death, you shall find a rebirth." He did not speak in the literal since, so I did not take it as him speaking in such a way. He chuckled once more when his eyes averted to the petting Professor Snape was doing to my wing, the observation making a familiar twinkle enter his eyes. "I ask that you stay in your Animungus form during the days, resuming your form at nights, and staying within this castle so that you will be able to continue your tasks of practicing."

"She will need to be informed as of why," Snape said, coming back to his thoughts so quickly he yanked his hand back and nearly took my feather with him. His apologetic gaze was met with my nod of acceptance.

"Ah, yes. You will be resigning during the winter to join his side. I ask that you resign a month earlier, during the beginning of November, and remain here at my school as a Phoenix. The ministry is plotting to rid themselves of me, I will need you as your father had once used you." I nodded in acceptance of his words, then flew to the ground, my wings spreading out and covering my face. Dumbledore placed his cloak around me like a veil, concealing me from their view as I formed back, my skin burning again as my bones broke back in place. When I peeked my head out of the large cloak Snape handed me my clothes, his eyes averted despite the fact that I was completely concealed form his view. "I will place an untraceable spell on you that will counter any revealing spell while you are in your Animungus form. It will be dispelled at the first chime of ten o'clock. You will also be having quarters that can only be entered through Severus's room via a special entrance." He took his cloak away from around me once I was changed again. I thanked him and he nodded.

"Do you have any problem with me having a connection to your personal quarters?" I asked Professor Snape, knowing I had only three months as a student, a month as a spy, and then the rest of my life as a pet for the Dark Lord. Strangely, the only outcome I was looking at with the slightest bit of logical optimism was the month as a spy.

"Not if you don't, you are the one who will deal with my imminent wrath should you try to sneak out or leave your confinement before permitted." I could see how he would think that this would be a punishment for me, thought it was the complete opposite. I was not going to be leaving my 'confinement' as he so put it, any time sooner than what was completely necessary. I would be allowed to study all I needed, and during my time as his spy I could still get in a few more spells to practice. Either way this was going to work out well for me. I found myself going to answer him, then looking immediately at my hand to check for the ring he had placed there. His ring, our engagement rings. When I saw that it had stayed on, even during the transformation, I went back to answering him, though he was staring at me as if I had grown two heads.

"I do not find it as tedious as you do, I will not try to sneak out nor will I go where I am not permitted. I will stay as I am supposed too until I am supposed to be something else, and all that I have learned will be with you as well." He continued to stare at me a bit longer, the silence of both Snape and Dumbledore making me think I had said the wrong thing.

"No, whatever thought you are having stop it." I did so, freezing my thoughts of the previous and concentrating on them with the constant. "Do you not realize that you are smiling?" I placed my fingertips at the corners of my lips and noted that they were upturned in an expression of a smile. "What were you feeling just a few moments ago?" I had no idea, so I just went through every detail of what I had done. "When you looked up was when you were smiling." A smile did not necessarily mean that I was _feeling_ something. It just meant that I had learned a new expression. They seemed to hear my thoughts and waged a conflicting war in their minds.

"I do not believe I've seen you wear that ring dear, who gave it to you?" Dumbledore asked as he took a step towards me. Technically I gave it to myself, considering that I had chosen his engagement ring and my mother had chosen mine. Then my mother sent it here where I gave it to myself again. As of present, however, Professor Snape had placed it on my finger, so he was the recent giver of the ring.

"Professor Snape had, it is his engagement ring." Snape seemed surprised that I had told the truth, though he looked pleased as well. Dumbledore knew of the arranged marriage, he had to sign a document that allowed student teacher relations so that it was possible. He turned to Snape and searched him over, smiling at the sight of my ring on his pinky finger.

"Am I correct in assuming that the ring on your smallest finger is hers?" he was silent for a while when Snape nodded, "I must ask a favor of the two of you, a favor that would side track the Ministry just enough for Harry to do what I know he will." He was cryptic, but I somewhat understood him. "Would you allow me to publicly announce your engagement, and not deny it? Just until she resigns?" Now there was a question that caught Snape off guard. I had no problem with it, I would not have denied it even if he hadn't announced it. I nodded, showing my consent, and after a long stare that he gave me Snape nodded too. "Splendid, you must exchange rings. Belladonna," it was the first time that Dumbledore had used my full first name, "You will be sitting beside Severus at the Professors table tomorrow. You may enter with us or late, whichever you find would put the point through." He clapped his hands. "You should rush off to bed dear, Severus and I have a few things to talk about." Snape stepped forward and placed my ring on my ring finger, I did the same. My fingertips started tingling as I had, then full out began shaking when I finished and slid my hand away. His eyes were warm pools of black that made the tingling in my fingers spread to my chest. I averted my gaze and excused myself.

It was only logical that I was tired, a lot had happened. I dueled a teacher, felt an anger that I thought I couldn't feel, became Dumbledore's spy on the Ministry, and am publicly engaged to Professor Snape. I shook my head and climbed into bed, Rowan curling on my stomach and purring as she fell asleep. I didn't bother with studying, there was nothing I had that I had not finished. With a final thought of how I was going to attend tomorrow's breakfast I fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Well, what do you think so far?**

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The professors were staring at me as I sat beside Severus at the end of the table. Dumbledore had told me that I was to smile and make them believe it when he announced my engagement to Professor Snape. Snape was smirking as each student entered and began murmuring once they saw us. Even a few teachers were whispering to each other and glancing at us. Even as Dumbledore was making his speech they stared at us, silent, but still staring.

"I also have a joyous announcement to make!" he waved me over with his hand, showing me that it was time. I stood up, making sure my chair wasn't scraping the floor, and made my way to Dumbledore. He gave my shoulders a squeeze and brought me in front of him and the podium. Everyone was paying attention now. "Our very own Belladonna Malfoy and Severus Snape are engaged to be married!" a teacher choked on her tea, a few students did as well, while the rest stared at him wide eyed, asking if it was a joke. "Let's give them a round of celebratory applause." Dumbledore was the only one smiling and clapping, though I found it quite comical. I smiled the way he had told me to and watched as chaos began to ensue.

"A teacher cannot be with a student!" a few of them yelled, "This is a joke, right?" came from the Weasley's, "Snape?! Engaged!?" from a majority of the houses.

"It is not against the rules, their marriage was arranged and I signed the documents permitting it myself, no it is not a joke, and yes, Professor Snape is engaged; to Belladonna Malfoy." Dumbledore commented, escorting me back to my seat beside Snape. We showed our rings as asked, the simple action quieting all protests. Umbridge was now staring at Snape and myself, her eyes calculating. She was trying to find a flaw in our engagement, something that would help to make Dumbledore resign. She would find none, my parents and Dumbledore made sure that the whole thing was legal and un-breakable. "Enjoy your breakfast!" Snape was smirking and somehow I knew that I was too.

"Quite an interesting turn around, don't you think?" he asked me before he took a bite of his food. I found apple slices on my plate with cubes of Pepper jack and Cheddar cheese, a few crackers, and a bit of bacon. My cup was filled with sweet tea, I hated Pumpkin juice.

"I do believe that, in a sense, I had expected something of the sort, though the general reaction was a bit more comical and over all amusing, don't you think?" he chuckled and nodded his head, looking at Umbridge and returning her dark look. "She is thinking that you had not properly punished me whence you said you would, she is hoping that she can find some bit of evidence and use it against us so that the engagement would be called off." I was very observant, so much so that it was rumored I could 'read minds' among the Death Eaters that my father kept in contact with.

"I take offense to that accusation!" she squealed, her high pitched voice making me flinch. Snape noticed and was not pleased. We were supposed to make a show to the school, Dumbledore had made it clear that we understood that. He was supposed to act caring yet professional, while I was supposed to act as if I needed his protection and caring. We were the defenders of each other, as Dumbledore had put it, and we were to be the ones that everyone thought was doing something wrong but could not have it proven. He started the assault by clasping my hand in his on the table top so everyone could see, his thumb brushing in mock affection over the top of my hand. I could act well, I had read many books with scenarios such as this and knew exactly how to respond to this 'affection'. I turned to him and smiled, clasping his hand closer to mine. Dumbledore nodded his approval down the table and left the two of us like that for the rest of breakfast. Holding hands and eating casually, as if the stares and blatant shock that my 'peers' were giving me weren't there at all. When the bell in the bell tower chimed the teachers arose, as did I, and left to their classrooms, the students leaving out the main doors to go to their classes. Snape released my hand as we parted ways, him to his classroom and myself to Transfiguration. McGonagall stared at me the whole way.

"You do not approve of the marriage?" I asked her when she continued to stare at me. She seemed shocked that I had called her out on it, or was she shocked that I had caught on to her disapproval? Either way she shook her head and stopped me just outside her door.

"I am shocked that you would approve of such a thing. We are no longer in the time of arranged marriages, you are free to marry whom you wish. You needn't be a victim." That feeling of anger licked at my feet, though I subdued it the moment I felt it. Snape was not a bad man, he was doing his best and he was damn good at what he did. They knew he was a Death Eater, they knew that he was trying to reform himself, yet they still distrusted him. Part of my role was to protect him, so protect him I would.

"I would ask you to not say that he is making me a victim when I was the one who agreed to the marriage. We are in the times of time, there is no specification for what goes on during that time. Whether he approves of it or not I think him a very affectionate and caring man. I know of his past, I know of his faults, and he knows of mine. Despite this we are still going to try and make this marriage work. I find that I respect him, and he respects me, it is because of this respect and trust that we are accepting. Do not think that I am a victim, nor that he is. The truth is we are both content with our decisions." Now she was flushing darkly, her eyes showing both affection and worry.

"I understand, I just worry child. You have so much potential, I worry that it will go to waste if you end up with the wrong man." She worried about me? "Yes, child, I do. You are quiet, your eyes are always pained, and you study so hard that you barely eat. I see the dark circles under your eyes some nights, I know that Dumbledore has you doing special training and that you are far past the curriculum that we are teaching now." She looked at me with eyes far more sympathetic than my mother ever had. "I fear that you may fall prey to your own mind one day." It was a valid fear, a fear that, should the circumstances be right, I would have the possibility of doing so.

"Thank you for worrying, but it is unnecessary." It was kind of her to worry, though it still made me think that there was an ulterior motif to her 'worry'. "The fear is valid, but my will is stronger than my mind." She nodded and allowed us to enter the classroom, the students soon entering and immediately surrounding me. I did not talk to them, despite their efforts, even through class, to talk to me. McGonagall pried most of them away from me throughout class, the only downside was the attention I was getting. I correctly transfigured my table into a horse, then back again while the rest of my class made it into a pony.

"How stuck up can you be to not talk with us?" a fellow sixth year called as class dismissed. I shrugged and continued on my way, the rest of the day going by just the same. It was always the same questions, 'How could you be engaged to a professor?', 'what could you possibly see in Snape?', 'Why are you so stuck up?'. 'Have you kissed him yet?', and, my personal intrigue, 'Do you love him?'. A majority of these questions were silent during Defense Against the Dark Arts, mainly for the reason that Umbridge's punishments were painful and left a scar if you had to suffer the same punishment twice. She found it necessary to call upon me, personally, in class. Once I stood beside her, my height dwarfing hers, I knew that I would be 'savagely' questioned.

"Since we have nothing specific to learn today how about you answer a few of the questions of the class?" it was not a question, she was telling me that I was going to. I would answer what I wanted, but no more and no less. The whole class raised their hands, even Hermione Granger. Umbridge was shocked and picked her first.

"Why would you make her give us information on something that is none of our business?" I nodded my head at her and received a smile. Umbridge was not amused. She tried to give her a detention after class for 'disturbing the lesson plan'.

"No," she turned to me as if I had slapped her, something which I had imagined myself doing time and time again. "You yourself said that there was no lesson plan, so how is she disturbing the lesson plan if there is none?" she saw her mistake and told Hermione that she had no detention. Now it was my turn to return the smile that she had sent me earlier. She had made a try at saving myself, it was my obligation to do the same. "Ask away," They did so, liberally.

"Why are you getting married?" a good question, though one that should have been explained during the announcement.

"It was an arranged one, I saw no problem with it since I hold a high respect for my betrothed so I agreed, I sense that he has a form of respect for me and or my intellect so he agreed as well." A few commented on how that it was the most un-romantic engagement proposition ever. I shrugged.

"What made you respect him?" Hermione asked. I did not begrudge her for joining into the questioning. Her question was at least valid and curious, not completely useless and personally invading.

"His strong will, his need for perfection when it comes to the things he likes." Now Umbridge was staring at me as if what I was saying was a big revelation. "The way he says what is on his mind no matter the consequence, and his truth." Hermione pointed to me and ten her lips, telling me that I was smiling. I frowned, curious as to why I was smiling in the first place. The questions continued.

"Do you think he loves you?"

"No." my answer was immediate, probably lacking much conviction, and giving them a thought of disbelief.

"Have you kissed yet?" I shook my head, "Have you shagged?" Umbridge was enjoying herself as the students continued asking me personal questions, some of which I was not answering.

"When is the wedding?" Umbridge asked this question. Just to thwart her I turned to her, giving her my full attention, and looked down at her.

"The day I take the last name Snape will be the day we share a sacred moment of joining. Not of bodies," I added once I heard snickers, "but of hearts and minds." I mocked the anger I remember and glared at her, "It would be wise for your childish antics at making my general personal life your amusement to stop. I am aware of your secret developments, Dolores Marie Umbridge. You fathers madness runs through you," she stuttered as she demanded I sit down and question time was over. I was left alone afterwards, though it seemed as if Hermione and a few others had moved to sit closer to me. Her class was pretty much nonsense so I used it as a study period. I pulled out my own Defense Against the Dark Arts book and began reading into it. Hermione, who was sitting directly beside me, asked if she could read it too. I turned it to the first lesson and let her read with me.

"Excuse me?" Umbridge stopped in front of our desk, glaring angrily at me. "What do you think you're doing with that book and in my classroom during _my_ time?" I ignored her until she reached for my book.

"I wouldn't," her hand stopped. "I wouldn't touch my stuff, anything that happens to you is of your own concern and in no way am I liable for any harm that comes to you." At the flash of her eyes and the gasps around me I straightened. "It is not a threat." She retreated her hand, swallowing thickly. "You said that there was no lesson plan today. Therefore this class period can be used however the students wish it. My peers and I wish to actually learn something useful, whether or not we will be using it remains to be seen. " she grit her teeth while I returned back to my book, Hermione soon asking me to help her understand how to fluctuate her magic so she could cast a certain spell. "You have to roll your wrist for control, then swipe it down, curve it until your hand is level with the ground, curve it once more until your hand is vertical with the ground, and swipe it down. Each movement is in a spell according to its necessity's." I explained to her, aware that Umbridge had not removed herself from in front of me. "The roll of the wrist is for control, you use it in levitation spells, it gives you the concentration of magic needed. The backwards curve allows the perceptive enhancements of your magic to give the correct amount of magic flow you need into your spell. Having your hand level with the ground connects your magic with the magic already in the air, letting the un-absorbed magic take the impact should you mess up the next movements. The trigger movement is the upwards curve, it directs the spell towards the intended. The most important moves are to make sure that your hand is vertical with the ground – it promotes strength and continuous flow of your magic – and the swipe down, which locks your spell in and makes it so that the spell stops itself once you have reached your limit or until you use the cancelation move which is a swipe in the sideways upper direction." I showed her the steps with my wrist, explaining them and pointing to each part of the arm that would be engaged in the action. She did the movement with me, as did a few of the others around me.

"This is a high level spell! They teach this to Aurors! Can you cast it?" she asked me after seeing the title of the book as I closed it. I nodded, then brought my wand out and pointed at a chair, noticing that Umbridge watched with eyes of worry. She knew which spell I was using, she had to know. It was a spell that made the victim lose their senses and heighten their heart rate. Instead of using it on another person I pointed my wand at myself.

"After a few seconds move my hand for me in the cancellation move please." She nodded, though she commented that she believed me and that I had no need to actually preform it. She did not know that I was doing it as a show of power over Umbridge, that I was telling her that I was far superior than her and, should she so try to alter my course of life or make it strenuous, I was far more powerful.

"Persin Moe," I murmured, doing the movements and clenching my hand on my wand. All at once my heartbeat rushed in my ears, the world became black and silent, I was unaware if I was breathing or even if I was clutching my own wand. I kept my thoughts calm despite my frantic heartbeat, knowing that Hermione would do the cancellation move for me. When the world exploded in a cacophony of sounds and colors, smells and tastes, I let out a calming breath. My heart rate was already dropping.

"Why are you still in school if you are so advanced?" Umbridge asked, and for once I could see the clear hate that was in her eyes. "You could make it as a very sought after judge in a matter of months with the Ministry." She didn't want me to join, but she recognized part of my power. I knew all too well that look of reverent hate and acceptance that she gave me. It was a look that I got often from other Death Eaters, a look that was soon wiped off their faces the moment I found their weakness and told my father, who would pass to Bellatrix who would give to the Dark Lord.

"I do not wish to be in the Ministry, you run on a plutocracy, I do not feel as if I would be a valuable asset to the people I am amongst." My earlier quote was recited by someone from the back of the room, snickers going around. "Thy enemy of mine enemy is my friend." I recited louder when Umbridge squeaked as to what they had said. She turned to look at me sharply. Before she could say a word the bell rang and signaled the end of class. With a required smile I departed from Hermione and made my way to dinner, where I sat beside Snape once more.

"My will and truth?" he questioned after a few moments silence. I knew then that he had heard of the questioning, probably one of the portraits had told him. I looked at him evenly and nodded my head, our stare never breaking. "By the end of these three months you will know a great deal more about me, things of which might dissuade your respect for me." He spoke seriously, so I returned his words with my own seriousness.

"By the end of these three months you will not respect me at all," shock filtered behind his gaze, the underlying emotion making me think that he might find it inconceivable to not respect me. I broke our stare and continued eating a piece of a biscuit.


	5. Chapter 5

The professors were staring at me as I sat beside Severus at the end of the table. Dumbledore had told me that I was to smile and make them believe it when he announced my engagement to Professor Snape. Snape was smirking as each student entered and began murmuring once they saw us. Even a few teachers were whispering to each other and glancing at us. Even as Dumbledore was making his speech they stared at us, silent, but still staring.

"I also have a joyous announcement to make!" he waved me over with his hand, showing me that it was time. I stood up, making sure my chair wasn't scraping the floor, and made my way to Dumbledore. He gave my shoulders a squeeze and brought me in front of him and the podium. Everyone was paying attention now. "Our very own Belladonna Malfoy and Severus Snape are engaged to be married!" a teacher choked on her tea, a few students did as well, while the rest stared at him wide eyed, asking if it was a joke. "Let's give them a round of celebratory applause." Dumbledore was the only one smiling and clapping, though I found it quite comical. I smiled the way he had told me to and watched as chaos began to ensue.

"A teacher cannot be with a student!" a few of them yelled, "This is a joke, right?" came from the Weasley's, "Snape?! Engaged!?" from a majority of the houses.

"It is not against the rules, their marriage was arranged and I signed the documents permitting it myself, no it is not a joke, and yes, Professor Snape is engaged; to Belladonna Malfoy." Dumbledore commented, escorting me back to my seat beside Snape. We showed our rings as asked, the simple action quieting all protests. Umbridge was now staring at Snape and myself, her eyes calculating. She was trying to find a flaw in our engagement, something that would help to make Dumbledore resign. She would find none, my parents and Dumbledore made sure that the whole thing was legal and un-breakable. "Enjoy your breakfast!" Snape was smirking and somehow I knew that I was too.

"Quite an interesting turn around, don't you think?" he asked me before he took a bite of his food. I found apple slices on my plate with cubes of Pepper jack and Cheddar cheese, a few crackers, and a bit of bacon. My cup was filled with sweet tea, I hated Pumpkin juice.

"I do believe that, in a sense, I had expected something of the sort, though the general reaction was a bit more comical and over all amusing, don't you think?" he chuckled and nodded his head, looking at Umbridge and returning her dark look. "She is thinking that you had not properly punished me whence you said you would, she is hoping that she can find some bit of evidence and use it against us so that the engagement would be called off." I was very observant, so much so that it was rumored I could 'read minds' among the Death Eaters that my father kept in contact with.

"I take offense to that accusation!" she squealed, her high pitched voice making me flinch. Snape noticed and was not pleased. We were supposed to make a show to the school, Dumbledore had made it clear that we understood that. He was supposed to act caring yet professional, while I was supposed to act as if I needed his protection and caring. We were the defenders of each other, as Dumbledore had put it, and we were to be the ones that everyone thought was doing something wrong but could not have it proven. He started the assault by clasping my hand in his on the table top so everyone could see, his thumb brushing in mock affection over the top of my hand. I could act well, I had read many books with scenarios such as this and knew exactly how to respond to this 'affection'. I turned to him and smiled, clasping his hand closer to mine. Dumbledore nodded his approval down the table and left the two of us like that for the rest of breakfast. Holding hands and eating casually, as if the stares and blatant shock that my 'peers' were giving me weren't there at all. When the bell in the bell tower chimed the teachers arose, as did I, and left to their classrooms, the students leaving out the main doors to go to their classes. Snape released my hand as we parted ways, him to his classroom and myself to Transfiguration. McGonagall stared at me the whole way.

"You do not approve of the marriage?" I asked her when she continued to stare at me. She seemed shocked that I had called her out on it, or was she shocked that I had caught on to her disapproval? Either way she shook her head and stopped me just outside her door.

"I am shocked that you would approve of such a thing. We are no longer in the time of arranged marriages, you are free to marry whom you wish. You needn't be a victim." That feeling of anger licked at my feet, though I subdued it the moment I felt it. Snape was not a bad man, he was doing his best and he was damn good at what he did. They knew he was a Death Eater, they knew that he was trying to reform himself, yet they still distrusted him. Part of my role was to protect him, so protect him I would.

"I would ask you to not say that he is making me a victim when I was the one who agreed to the marriage. We are in the times of time, there is no specification for what goes on during that time. Whether he approves of it or not I think him a very affectionate and caring man. I know of his past, I know of his faults, and he knows of mine. Despite this we are still going to try and make this marriage work. I find that I respect him, and he respects me, it is because of this respect and trust that we are accepting. Do not think that I am a victim, nor that he is. The truth is we are both content with our decisions." Now she was flushing darkly, her eyes showing both affection and worry.

"I understand, I just worry child. You have so much potential, I worry that it will go to waste if you end up with the wrong man." She worried about me? "Yes, child, I do. You are quiet, your eyes are always pained, and you study so hard that you barely eat. I see the dark circles under your eyes some nights, I know that Dumbledore has you doing special training and that you are far past the curriculum that we are teaching now." She looked at me with eyes far more sympathetic than my mother ever had. "I fear that you may fall prey to your own mind one day." It was a valid fear, a fear that, should the circumstances be right, I would have the possibility of doing so.

"Thank you for worrying, but it is unnecessary." It was kind of her to worry, though it still made me think that there was an ulterior motif to her 'worry'. "The fear is valid, but my will is stronger than my mind." She nodded and allowed us to enter the classroom, the students soon entering and immediately surrounding me. I did not talk to them, despite their efforts, even through class, to talk to me. McGonagall pried most of them away from me throughout class, the only downside was the attention I was getting. I correctly transfigured my table into a horse, then back again while the rest of my class made it into a pony.

"How stuck up can you be to not talk with us?" a fellow sixth year called as class dismissed. I shrugged and continued on my way, the rest of the day going by just the same. It was always the same questions, 'How could you be engaged to a professor?', 'what could you possibly see in Snape?', 'Why are you so stuck up?'. 'Have you kissed him yet?', and, my personal intrigue, 'Do you love him?'. A majority of these questions were silent during Defense Against the Dark Arts, mainly for the reason that Umbridge's punishments were painful and left a scar if you had to suffer the same punishment twice. She found it necessary to call upon me, personally, in class. Once I stood beside her, my height dwarfing hers, I knew that I would be 'savagely' questioned.

"Since we have nothing specific to learn today how about you answer a few of the questions of the class?" it was not a question, she was telling me that I was going to. I would answer what I wanted, but no more and no less. The whole class raised their hands, even Hermione Granger. Umbridge was shocked and picked her first.

"Why would you make her give us information on something that is none of our business?" I nodded my head at her and received a smile. Umbridge was not amused. She tried to give her a detention after class for 'disturbing the lesson plan'.

"No," she turned to me as if I had slapped her, something which I had imagined myself doing time and time again. "You yourself said that there was no lesson plan, so how is she disturbing the lesson plan if there is none?" she saw her mistake and told Hermione that she had no detention. Now it was my turn to return the smile that she had sent me earlier. She had made a try at saving myself, it was my obligation to do the same. "Ask away," They did so, liberally.

"Why are you getting married?" a good question, though one that should have been explained during the announcement.

"It was an arranged one, I saw no problem with it since I hold a high respect for my betrothed so I agreed, I sense that he has a form of respect for me and or my intellect so he agreed as well." A few commented on how that it was the most un-romantic engagement proposition ever. I shrugged.

"What made you respect him?" Hermione asked. I did not begrudge her for joining into the questioning. Her question was at least valid and curious, not completely useless and personally invading.

"His strong will, his need for perfection when it comes to the things he likes." Now Umbridge was staring at me as if what I was saying was a big revelation. "The way he says what is on his mind no matter the consequence, and his truth." Hermione pointed to me and ten her lips, telling me that I was smiling. I frowned, curious as to why I was smiling in the first place. The questions continued.

"Do you think he loves you?"

"No." my answer was immediate, probably lacking much conviction, and giving them a thought of disbelief.

"Have you kissed yet?" I shook my head, "Have you shagged?" Umbridge was enjoying herself as the students continued asking me personal questions, some of which I was not answering.

"When is the wedding?" Umbridge asked this question. Just to thwart her I turned to her, giving her my full attention, and looked down at her.

"The day I take the last name Snape will be the day we share a sacred moment of joining. Not of bodies," I added once I heard snickers, "but of hearts and minds." I mocked the anger I remember and glared at her, "It would be wise for your childish antics at making my general personal life your amusement to stop. I am aware of your secret developments, Dolores Marie Umbridge. You fathers madness runs through you," she stuttered as she demanded I sit down and question time was over. I was left alone afterwards, though it seemed as if Hermione and a few others had moved to sit closer to me. Her class was pretty much nonsense so I used it as a study period. I pulled out my own Defense Against the Dark Arts book and began reading into it. Hermione, who was sitting directly beside me, asked if she could read it too. I turned it to the first lesson and let her read with me.

"Excuse me?" Umbridge stopped in front of our desk, glaring angrily at me. "What do you think you're doing with that book and in my classroom during _my_ time?" I ignored her until she reached for my book.

"I wouldn't," her hand stopped. "I wouldn't touch my stuff, anything that happens to you is of your own concern and in no way am I liable for any harm that comes to you." At the flash of her eyes and the gasps around me I straightened. "It is not a threat." She retreated her hand, swallowing thickly. "You said that there was no lesson plan today. Therefore this class period can be used however the students wish it. My peers and I wish to actually learn something useful, whether or not we will be using it remains to be seen. " she grit her teeth while I returned back to my book, Hermione soon asking me to help her understand how to fluctuate her magic so she could cast a certain spell. "You have to roll your wrist for control, then swipe it down, curve it until your hand is level with the ground, curve it once more until your hand is vertical with the ground, and swipe it down. Each movement is in a spell according to its necessity's." I explained to her, aware that Umbridge had not removed herself from in front of me. "The roll of the wrist is for control, you use it in levitation spells, it gives you the concentration of magic needed. The backwards curve allows the perceptive enhancements of your magic to give the correct amount of magic flow you need into your spell. Having your hand level with the ground connects your magic with the magic already in the air, letting the un-absorbed magic take the impact should you mess up the next movements. The trigger movement is the upwards curve, it directs the spell towards the intended. The most important moves are to make sure that your hand is vertical with the ground – it promotes strength and continuous flow of your magic – and the swipe down, which locks your spell in and makes it so that the spell stops itself once you have reached your limit or until you use the cancelation move which is a swipe in the sideways upper direction." I showed her the steps with my wrist, explaining them and pointing to each part of the arm that would be engaged in the action. She did the movement with me, as did a few of the others around me.

"This is a high level spell! They teach this to Aurors! Can you cast it?" she asked me after seeing the title of the book as I closed it. I nodded, then brought my wand out and pointed at a chair, noticing that Umbridge watched with eyes of worry. She knew which spell I was using, she had to know. It was a spell that made the victim lose their senses and heighten their heart rate. Instead of using it on another person I pointed my wand at myself.

"After a few seconds move my hand for me in the cancellation move please." She nodded, though she commented that she believed me and that I had no need to actually preform it. She did not know that I was doing it as a show of power over Umbridge, that I was telling her that I was far superior than her and, should she so try to alter my course of life or make it strenuous, I was far more powerful.

"Persin Moe," I murmured, doing the movements and clenching my hand on my wand. All at once my heartbeat rushed in my ears, the world became black and silent, I was unaware if I was breathing or even if I was clutching my own wand. I kept my thoughts calm despite my frantic heartbeat, knowing that Hermione would do the cancellation move for me. When the world exploded in a cacophony of sounds and colors, smells and tastes, I let out a calming breath. My heart rate was already dropping.

"Why are you still in school if you are so advanced?" Umbridge asked, and for once I could see the clear hate that was in her eyes. "You could make it as a very sought after judge in a matter of months with the Ministry." She didn't want me to join, but she recognized part of my power. I knew all too well that look of reverent hate and acceptance that she gave me. It was a look that I got often from other Death Eaters, a look that was soon wiped off their faces the moment I found their weakness and told my father, who would pass to Bellatrix who would give to the Dark Lord.

"I do not wish to be in the Ministry, you run on a plutocracy, I do not feel as if I would be a valuable asset to the people I am amongst." My earlier quote was recited by someone from the back of the room, snickers going around. "Thy enemy of mine enemy is my friend." I recited louder when Umbridge squeaked as to what they had said. She turned to look at me sharply. Before she could say a word the bell rang and signaled the end of class. With a required smile I departed from Hermione and made my way to dinner, where I sat beside Snape once more.

"My will and truth?" he questioned after a few moments silence. I knew then that he had heard of the questioning, probably one of the portraits had told him. I looked at him evenly and nodded my head, our stare never breaking. "By the end of these three months you will know a great deal more about me, things of which might dissuade your respect for me." He spoke seriously, so I returned his words with my own seriousness.

"By the end of these three months you will not respect me at all," shock filtered behind his gaze, the underlying emotion making me think that he might find it inconceivable to not respect me. I broke our stare and continued eating a piece of a biscuit.

* * *

**Little bit of thought? Won't have a computer for a while so I won't be able to upload any more, when I get a phone I'll try but until then I do so apologize.**


End file.
